I'm 2 years old

Seriously. My two year anniversary happened yesterday. I almost forgot it until while sitting in the doctor's office and he tells me my mammogram came out clear. I happened to see the fiberous tissue comment, but oh well if it comes back again, I'll just rock a bald head like there's no tomorrow.

One encouraging thing: At the doctor's office I met a daughter/mom team both of whom are surviving cancer. The mom is 93, and I have to tell you she was a beautiful, mindfully intact 93 YO. Both of them battled different forms of cancer over the years but they were both still here and kicking.

As you can tell I'm not feeling fear. I'm cautious but not fearful. This is a far cry from what I felt a months ago. It could be the crocus blooming and daffodils and tulips coming up, but I don't know. Hell, it could be the birds singing every morning.

Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for these past 2 years.

At the risk of my boss reading this....

I'm lacking internet access at the moment, but that will be remedied soon. Bear with me.

Goals sometimes take longer to realize

So PA is out yet again after a long stint of insanity that had been building my stress levels up. Work, school, kids, and insane ex living in my house have REALLY blown my blood pressure through the roof. My doctor finally prescribed me a muscle relaxer, but I couldn't get it and tell PA because then I'd never see it again. I was told by my doctor that I have arthritis. Do I need any more medical issues? I think not, but there you go.

So I've had now about 36 hours of no roommate. I've been wondering about the financial aspect of this, but hey protecting my kids' and my safety is more important at the moment. School is over for awhile. I'm not sure when I'll get go back, but like I said safety is WAY MORE IMPORTANT.

I've been bemoaning my luck physical, emotional, and financial, but then I think of other folk who've been in similar situations as mine, and I feel a little comforted. I'm not alone on the misery front. Cancer screws a person financially. I'm not the only one. Addicted exes screw people financially. I'm not alone on that one either. Raise a glass all ye who have felt that one. Emotionally this stings a little, but not as much as what could be if I allowed PA stay here. That goes for physical too. Too many people have felt the insanity that others bring to a situation, and I finally have others who have actually seen with their eyes the incoherence and just plain craziness that he is capable of.

I had to explain the unpredictable behavior patterns of PA to my father during the Confrontation. I had to warn my mother with a very stern voice and a dark look on my face and warning that I will not call the cops until they are out of the house because of the risk factor. That silly bumbling old lady finally figured that out and swooped them up to take them somewhere. The cops were seriously annoyed with his behavior.

I finally had folk see what he was like, and you know the next day after he was bailed out by friends he came to get his stuff and told ME that I could have defused the situation better. I thought I did a damn good job since he was the fused bomb in the room.

So now to school and my after cancer goals...it will have to wait. I live in a fabulous house on a fabulous street. My kids go to a great school and are making friends. For their emotional sake we are not going anywhere. Big Girl Pants will be pulled on, and I will make this shit happen. But it will take a little longer than expected.

MY DAD KICKED MY EX'S ASS

We're all ok. PA is in jail.

My 66 YO dad kicked his crack smokin', piss drunk, lazy, worthless ass!

Pass me a beer. I feel like celebrating!

Sad News Comes When Least Expected

I had a good weekend, not the best, not the worst. It was ok. It ended great with Goddess Bodice Ripper's wedding party. I got a notice from my plastic surgeon to set up my one year follow up. THAT is a Good Thing. I got the piano inside. My house is clean, and two of my three christmas trees are up and ready. Yes, I'm a closet Ms. Claus.

My calm happiness was shattered though by a well meaning friend. A mutual friend, my Inspiration, passed away this past Thanksgiving weekend. I will miss her. She was beautiful inside and out. Not to mention she was a fighter (in her own way). The thing about her is that her cancer was less "dangerous" or "concerning" than mine, but her mind set was so much more positive and cheerful, as cheerful as a person whose doctor's advise was so totally and completely unreversably wrong. She however kept people smiling and helped people (myself included) to learn how to cope, relax, and keep going.

I cried, of course, but the tears held more than just mourning for a beautiful friend I won't ever see again. They held fear and anger.

Yes, I'm angry. I get angry EVERY time I look at those stupid pink ribbon things. Of course I know what's on my car. I get angry that people younger than me get this fucked up shit, and I'm TOTALLY grumpy that I got it. I am PISSED that she just died from what was originally stage 1 cancer. And of course I fear for my life. Don't tell me not to. You'll just add fuel to an already out of control fire. A person's cancer is not something to trivialize.

I have a new reason to be thankful and to be cautious. If I seem even more pissy than before, I have good reason. If I seem even more jumpy or out of sorts or overly introverted, I have a good reason. I'll fight it when it becomes a problem, but until then I need to process this. I'm just glad I met her when I did, and I'm glad she's not hurting anymore.

Cheers, Penny.

Circus Peanuts

As a child I never wanted to run away. That concept just wasn't in me. I'd hear of kids who wanted to run away to join the circus, and I'd think "why?". I thought that until today. Today. November... whatever the day is today. I thought, "I want to run away and join the circus." For bleepin' sakes, I'm 33. Whatever. I feel it strong today, but I might just be hormonal.

I would do it too (if I drank a fifth of vodka and a bottle of tequila and smoked a joint the size of a baby's arm), BUT it would have to be with the delectable Mexican troupe that I saw today. No other circus troupe would suffice. No hairy man-dog trapeze act for me. No no. I want to travel with the long hair, adonis formed, tan skinned lad I saw twirling high about the big top without his shirt on and shiny black skin tight pants. Oh yes. Momma was happy to go to the circus after she saw that fella. Oh believe me. I noticed this guy working as a fully clothed hand WAY before I got to see his EXTREMELY well formed and VERY well controlled body twirling above my head. I clapped at seeing his nigh near nekked body doing nothing yet besides standing there.

I think circuses are getting it right these days. Well sort of. They rely less on silly animal acts which I abhor. Granted they still had tigers, bears, and elephants in which my kids kept telling me that they really liked doing what they were doing. Didn't I see them smiling and singing all of the words to the music? hunh? My Pinkie actually said that to me? Well, I did think Dr. Seuss logic was perfectly cromulent (don't ask if your not a Simpson's fan). So the apple must not have fell to hard from the tree. Anyway it seemed like the Babygirl was trying to rationalize animals being trained to humiliate themselves for her amusement. Bless her pea-pickin' heart. She has a little of me in her!

Back to the nature of modern circuses. They're getting sexy. I guess they're competing with cirque du soleil, and you know what? You'll not hear me complain. Not one little bit.

It was a funny trip. I went with my kids and my neighbor's grandson, whom I've mentioned before. I didn't want to go. I feel like going to the circus is on par with going to a Hannah Montana show. Bless you, Rikki, for being brave enough to take your niblet. Anyhoo, At ten in the morning I bought three children cotton candy and light sword/scepter thingys. I swear I need to have my head examined. I wouldn't let the kiddos eat the candy until the show was going to start, and finally after much whiny and gnashing of teeth, I allowed them their portion of the $4 bag of tooth decay.

The Urghboy ate his portion with such relish that he kept having large portions of the blue stuff sticking straight out from his face thus coloring his face for the rest of the day. He should have been in a movie, it was so silly looking.

Pinkie (ahem) discovered something with the help of her light sword/scepter thingy. She was having too much fun with it. I had to take it away. We were in public for bleeping sake. That's all I'll say about that.

Zilla, I'm glad to say is still not at that stage yet where he feels he's too old for such nonsense. He still gets excited over seeing animals and clowns, and I can still hold his hand while walking down the street and kiss him on the forehead while in public. You know I'm going to treasure these last bits of his 5-9 year old stage. I'll miss it when it's gone.

Anyhoo, I had my fill of good old fashoined family fun/sexy Mexican circus action. I guess there's one good thing about catholics. They sure don't like to ignore their sexualities. They can blend their family times with their good times. We gringos should take note.

Oops. She did it again.

No, this isn't some Britney blog, but it is about a female. My dog in fact. And I'm still questioning my love for her when I think about it.

You see, Chika has a fondness for things that are harmful to her. She reminds me of so many other characters in my life. Ahhh human... I mean, sentient nature.

A few weeks ago a dear friend gave me some dark, dark chocolate. My favorite kind. The kind that makes my toes curl. You get the idea of where this going don't you? I was sleeping peacefully ( as peacefully as I can) when I heard clickety-clickety of little claws over my hardwood floors. I also heard a couple of things fall over. After a few seconds I realized all was not right with the world, and I jumped from my bed, ran to my school bag, and looked at it. The little bitch had squeezed her head in and wiggled out the dark, dark bar of sweet sinfulness and completely devoured it on my son's bed (she knew I'd kill her if I caught her mid-munching).

SO all night and into the next, my Chi zoomed about the house faster than any speed that a paranoid schizoiphrenic methhead could possibly attain. She proceeded to do hundreds and hundreds of laps ON MY BED throughout the night, jumping on both me and the Girl. She'd stop every now and then to squint her eyes at me and wave a paw in the air like she just don't care.

Saying "No, Chika!" didn't work. It just made her bounce and lick my face more. She was so shaky that everyother lap she'd fall off the bed and take 5 or 6 tries to get back on. The whole time time I kept growling, "git!" at her. That didn't work either, but I've noticed folks addicted speed tend to hear only what they want. Ok. MOST people tend to hear.....

Ah, yes. I'm so glad to own a dog. She's had issues before with chocolate. If you remember the chemo chocolate and the Godiva chocolate incidents of 2006. At one point she had a popcorn experience, and she has just never gone back to it, but for some reason, chocolate is a taste she just can't give up. I wonder if they have chocolate anonymous support groups for masochistic dogs and they're tired frazzled owners.

If you hear of any let me know.