Already I've packed up all of my winter clothes, pictures, art, art supplies, kids' craft supplies, books, movies, music, and kids' books and movies. It took only a few hours. Now the long wait begins...
I keep looking at the calendar. Time seems to be dragging, but I know it goes faster as we get older. I'll be outta here in no time.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Chi Adventures
Sunday was a real treat. Aside from being blown nearly off the road a few times, the trip to Lawrence with the kids and dog was rather enjoyable. Listening to live music at the Replay felt like old times. I missed a few Goddesses who didn't show up, but oh well I'll close my eyes and envision their sparkling eyes.
On the way home me and my little family enjoyed the warm air and saying "hi" to people doing whatever outside their homes and close enough for us to acknowledge their existence. At Pa's house we went in and I proceded upstairs to relieve my bladder of PBR. That's when I noticed something rather strange. Nothing brown and fuzzy was trying to get into my lap whilst peeing, and my ears weren't ringing in pain from high pitched barking. I finished and walked the upstairs. uh oh. I flew downstairs practically ramming into Pa who was running to find me. We both had the same look.
Funny, it was the same look we had when we realized I was pregnant for the first time.
So out the door we go. I drove around first with the windows open, calling for Chi, and asking people if they'd seen her. I drove back. Then we both took off in different directions with kids in tow. Pinkie was wimpering. I thought Zilla didn't give a damn either way. I had gotten my workout in and returned sans damn dog.
However! Pa was coming up the street with a small bundle of wiggles in his arms. That's when Zilla took off running calling for said damn dog. ahh Zombie Boy does have emotions! Pa dropped Chika, and off she went just like a dog at the races. I'll have to look into that for a little extra money.
A couple of kind hearted, small dog familiar neighbors caught her and noticing her girth, they instantly knew that she was a well loved chihuahua. I heard she actually behaved herself! no biting, fussing, peeing, etc...
I'm still going to shish kabob that bitch one of these days.
On the way home me and my little family enjoyed the warm air and saying "hi" to people doing whatever outside their homes and close enough for us to acknowledge their existence. At Pa's house we went in and I proceded upstairs to relieve my bladder of PBR. That's when I noticed something rather strange. Nothing brown and fuzzy was trying to get into my lap whilst peeing, and my ears weren't ringing in pain from high pitched barking. I finished and walked the upstairs. uh oh. I flew downstairs practically ramming into Pa who was running to find me. We both had the same look.
Funny, it was the same look we had when we realized I was pregnant for the first time.
So out the door we go. I drove around first with the windows open, calling for Chi, and asking people if they'd seen her. I drove back. Then we both took off in different directions with kids in tow. Pinkie was wimpering. I thought Zilla didn't give a damn either way. I had gotten my workout in and returned sans damn dog.
However! Pa was coming up the street with a small bundle of wiggles in his arms. That's when Zilla took off running calling for said damn dog. ahh Zombie Boy does have emotions! Pa dropped Chika, and off she went just like a dog at the races. I'll have to look into that for a little extra money.
A couple of kind hearted, small dog familiar neighbors caught her and noticing her girth, they instantly knew that she was a well loved chihuahua. I heard she actually behaved herself! no biting, fussing, peeing, etc...
I'm still going to shish kabob that bitch one of these days.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Boob Squish
Yesterday I left work early to go to my 8 month (?) mammogram. I have one tit remaining, so it's a good idea according to my doctor. According to my breast tissue and history of breast cancer detection and my surgeon, an MRI is a better idea, but this Dr. Oncologist is a man (no offense) and my surgeon is a WOMAN (with great taste) who has a lot of experience in Breast cancer and the different ways of detection that different types of breast tissue require. I trust her a bit more especially since she was determined to find out exactly what was there and to get it out quickly. Dr. Oncologist didn't think yoga could help me out. I guess he doesn't understand stress and stress-relieving techniques.
ok on to my mam story...
I drove to Shawnee and stopped at a drive through. It was 2:30 and I hadn't eaten since 7:45 that morning. My stomach was fairly grumpy thus making me very grumpy. I got a call when the guy in the window handed me my food. It was the imaging place where said boob squish was going to take place. "Did you have breast cancer?" "Yes!" " Did they tell you that you need to bring your previous films (mammogram pics) ?" " No." "Well, I need them before your appointment. Can you go get them?"
I said it was 2:30, right? Well, the appointment was at 3:00 in Olathe. I was in Shawnee. My mammograms I thought were sent by my oncologist's office to them. No. they didn't have them. Hmmm...Ah LMH had them. I had to drive all the way back to Lawrence, and go ask for them from the hospital. On the drive there on an empty tank of gas, I rescheduled my appointment until this afternoon. I get to the hospital and was informed by a very delightful girl behind the radiology registration desk that the Breast Center moved the LMH South. Great! Call them up and go get them! Day is saved!
Now, I don't know if you know where LMH South is, but I do. It's right across the streest from where I, Goddesss GB, and Goddess Going There work. RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. Gas is like what? $2.78? It takes a quarter of a tank to go to Lawrence and back home. I'm cheap, I know. I'm a big believer in global warming, a bigger believer in that than Kansas winning the basketball championship. (I heart KU!) I could have walked there and gotten the films if the person who registered me by phone LAST week would have told me to go get them. I love efficiency.
So today I go have my boob squish. Here is the lesson I want you all to learn....Always know where your mammogram films are and take them with you on your next one!
ok on to my mam story...
I drove to Shawnee and stopped at a drive through. It was 2:30 and I hadn't eaten since 7:45 that morning. My stomach was fairly grumpy thus making me very grumpy. I got a call when the guy in the window handed me my food. It was the imaging place where said boob squish was going to take place. "Did you have breast cancer?" "Yes!" " Did they tell you that you need to bring your previous films (mammogram pics) ?" " No." "Well, I need them before your appointment. Can you go get them?"
I said it was 2:30, right? Well, the appointment was at 3:00 in Olathe. I was in Shawnee. My mammograms I thought were sent by my oncologist's office to them. No. they didn't have them. Hmmm...Ah LMH had them. I had to drive all the way back to Lawrence, and go ask for them from the hospital. On the drive there on an empty tank of gas, I rescheduled my appointment until this afternoon. I get to the hospital and was informed by a very delightful girl behind the radiology registration desk that the Breast Center moved the LMH South. Great! Call them up and go get them! Day is saved!
Now, I don't know if you know where LMH South is, but I do. It's right across the streest from where I, Goddesss GB, and Goddess Going There work. RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. Gas is like what? $2.78? It takes a quarter of a tank to go to Lawrence and back home. I'm cheap, I know. I'm a big believer in global warming, a bigger believer in that than Kansas winning the basketball championship. (I heart KU!) I could have walked there and gotten the films if the person who registered me by phone LAST week would have told me to go get them. I love efficiency.
So today I go have my boob squish. Here is the lesson I want you all to learn....Always know where your mammogram films are and take them with you on your next one!
Light at the end of the tunnel
We move back to Lawrence June 1st! Calloo Callay!
It's a cute little white house with blue trim built in the 1920's complete with a covered front porch for after work beer drinking with my soon to be new neighbor and fellow goddess Bertha and a basement for crazy Kansas weather.
I can't wait for a summer of bike riding, swimming at the public pool, walking downtown with kiddos, going to the library, Sunday afternoon shows at the Replay, having my own garden again, and to see my Goddesses much more often!
I don't know if it's just wierd emotions, but I'm getting teary-eyed. My horrible, terrrible, very awful year is finally coming to a close, and a new beginning is coming soon. I have a few more steps, but I'm taking care of those.
6 more weeks!
It's a cute little white house with blue trim built in the 1920's complete with a covered front porch for after work beer drinking with my soon to be new neighbor and fellow goddess Bertha and a basement for crazy Kansas weather.
I can't wait for a summer of bike riding, swimming at the public pool, walking downtown with kiddos, going to the library, Sunday afternoon shows at the Replay, having my own garden again, and to see my Goddesses much more often!
I don't know if it's just wierd emotions, but I'm getting teary-eyed. My horrible, terrrible, very awful year is finally coming to a close, and a new beginning is coming soon. I have a few more steps, but I'm taking care of those.
6 more weeks!
Friday, April 13, 2007
The Judybat and Henry
Yes, I know I'm immature, and probably not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I love watching my mom cringe and turn her heels while Henry Rollins is speaking on the telly. Especially when the telly is in her house, and he's in Isreal.
After all, it is HER glorious nation by god-given right.
After all, it is HER glorious nation by god-given right.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Some thoughts and a little light reading before bed
Old Man River just handed me a book called "The Case for the Resurrection".
Yah…silly me. I actually believe that global warming is probable.
Only a liberal fool would swallow that ridiculous farce instead of believing in the power of that miraculous death defying act of the sweet Lord.
hmm…Speaking of the sweet lord…have you seen Dejesus on the Royals? hmm-mmm…talk about sweet lord.
Yah…silly me. I actually believe that global warming is probable.
Only a liberal fool would swallow that ridiculous farce instead of believing in the power of that miraculous death defying act of the sweet Lord.
hmm…Speaking of the sweet lord…have you seen Dejesus on the Royals? hmm-mmm…talk about sweet lord.
Ain't no old hen yet!
Hmm…2 computer classes. 2 beers. One great time flirting with a ceramic teacher known for bedding his students. I love school!
There's a sign in the computer lab at JCCC banning kids from it. I think that's funny because the girl who sits next to me is probably 13 years younger than me. Makes flirting with the hot art "professor" even better.
This is going to be fun…
There's a sign in the computer lab at JCCC banning kids from it. I think that's funny because the girl who sits next to me is probably 13 years younger than me. Makes flirting with the hot art "professor" even better.
This is going to be fun…
Sunday, April 08, 2007
The Lord Hath Risen
And I didn't kill anyone. Aren't you proud of me?
Everyone remained mature and grown up with only a tiny bit of drama over a missing bottle of bourbon. It was found, and my brother apologized to me. I finished a project that I started last night. And I found out that one of my brothers has the same thyroid medication. He just started on the stuff. I warned him of the ADHD crap that will kick in in a few weeks.
I have come to the conclusion that christians eat ham on easter as a slap in the face towards jews and muslims. Jesus likes sweet meat. Sweat meat and devil eggs. Personally, I like devil cake.
All in all. Easter went off without the ranting and passive aggressive behavior that is usual for a Sunday. There was lamenting and gnashing of teeth over frozen plants, but there was entertainment over an illustrated bird book with recorded bird calls. So it turned out good.
I think I'm going to force my kids to learn all of the bird calls so they'd get on David Letterman. A segment called Stupid Kid Tricks.
Everyone remained mature and grown up with only a tiny bit of drama over a missing bottle of bourbon. It was found, and my brother apologized to me. I finished a project that I started last night. And I found out that one of my brothers has the same thyroid medication. He just started on the stuff. I warned him of the ADHD crap that will kick in in a few weeks.
I have come to the conclusion that christians eat ham on easter as a slap in the face towards jews and muslims. Jesus likes sweet meat. Sweat meat and devil eggs. Personally, I like devil cake.
All in all. Easter went off without the ranting and passive aggressive behavior that is usual for a Sunday. There was lamenting and gnashing of teeth over frozen plants, but there was entertainment over an illustrated bird book with recorded bird calls. So it turned out good.
I think I'm going to force my kids to learn all of the bird calls so they'd get on David Letterman. A segment called Stupid Kid Tricks.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
F**K 'EM
I went to First Fridays last night with an old friend of mine. We've always skirted our differences of opinions so we wouldn't get angry with each other. I'm fairly left. He's Libertarian. Both of us have our naive ideas about our sides. We both see our sides are more honest, forthcoming, and helpful to society as whole. Ok. We disagree over the "how-tos" and the "what-things-are". We avoid these things to keep things pleasant until…the government should get rid of all social programs.
Whatever.
He doesn't like being obligated to help people. He honestly feels that people (the great majority of them) would give to charities to help the poor. And since there'd be less restrictions, there will be less poverty. Fuck any consumer advocacy. Business-rule-all attitude.
He didn't even flinch when I said that'd I be dead if it weren't for the social programs in place. I'd be receiving no surgeries, no chemo, and no check ups. My children would be left without a mother. fuck 'em. In his fantasy world charitable organizations would take up the slack. oh. They don't exist now because there is no need for them. But in the mean time any all aid to those less fortunate (whether american or not) should cease entirely. fuck 'em.
I can't say how much that hurts. I can't say how much that makes me angry that a person has the gall to say they are compassionate when they would purposefully stand aside to watch people (or anything else for that matter) starve to death or die of some horrible disease. Or that they would express these feelings towards someone who has come too close.
It is makes me laugh in my dark humor kind of way when they equate compassion with cruelty. You see in his book they are one and the same. ok ok. There are times when mercy killing is the best option. Look at Terry Schiavo. But it is completely different when one is talking of people who have the possibility of a viable future. Look at the children of Africa. I understand the land mass cannot handle the population, but there are alternatives to overpopulation. Pro-lifers eat my pooh.
I guess this is the point:
Do not under any circumstances be as rude as to trivialize anyone's misfortune and act as if their possible untimely demise is a matter of mild curiosity. If I believed in hell, I'd think that there'd be a special place in it for you if you do.
Whatever.
He doesn't like being obligated to help people. He honestly feels that people (the great majority of them) would give to charities to help the poor. And since there'd be less restrictions, there will be less poverty. Fuck any consumer advocacy. Business-rule-all attitude.
He didn't even flinch when I said that'd I be dead if it weren't for the social programs in place. I'd be receiving no surgeries, no chemo, and no check ups. My children would be left without a mother. fuck 'em. In his fantasy world charitable organizations would take up the slack. oh. They don't exist now because there is no need for them. But in the mean time any all aid to those less fortunate (whether american or not) should cease entirely. fuck 'em.
I can't say how much that hurts. I can't say how much that makes me angry that a person has the gall to say they are compassionate when they would purposefully stand aside to watch people (or anything else for that matter) starve to death or die of some horrible disease. Or that they would express these feelings towards someone who has come too close.
It is makes me laugh in my dark humor kind of way when they equate compassion with cruelty. You see in his book they are one and the same. ok ok. There are times when mercy killing is the best option. Look at Terry Schiavo. But it is completely different when one is talking of people who have the possibility of a viable future. Look at the children of Africa. I understand the land mass cannot handle the population, but there are alternatives to overpopulation. Pro-lifers eat my pooh.
I guess this is the point:
Do not under any circumstances be as rude as to trivialize anyone's misfortune and act as if their possible untimely demise is a matter of mild curiosity. If I believed in hell, I'd think that there'd be a special place in it for you if you do.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
hair tingles on the Frontline
I'm sick of creepy-crawlies. Seriously. Yesterday I counted 8 large brown recluses and 18 ticks. Today I cleaned up a mousehouse at work and counted 2 large brown recluses and 1 tick. A few weeks ago I smacked a brown recluse off my neck at work dropping so many of Rikki's beloved f-bombs that the receptionist, who was on the phone with a client right behind me, calmly put the him on hold and burst out laughing. I have PTSD from it. My hairs are tingling with the heebie-jeebies ALL the time. Even right now as I type in the relative safety of the over-sprayed Old Folks' Home.
I counted my dog's vampiric "buddies". It's a total of 24 ticks on my Chi in the past 1.5 weeks. Freeze warning? Bring on that freeze warning and kill the little shits off!
Like I said…I'm sick of creepy-crawlies.
I counted my dog's vampiric "buddies". It's a total of 24 ticks on my Chi in the past 1.5 weeks. Freeze warning? Bring on that freeze warning and kill the little shits off!
Like I said…I'm sick of creepy-crawlies.
House hunting Lawrence style
I have more loyalty to a creature that stayed by my side in the worst of situations than I have a need of shelter from a grinchy, heartless woman at the moment.
Yesterday I got a call from a landlord who insisted upon a pet deposit of $1360 if I wanted to live in a lower level 2 bd apartment in a East Lawrence house with my Chi. The rent is $680. I don't know about you, but I think that's a bit excessive. Especially since my daughter will make poopy messes more often than my dog.
Funny thing is that she was acting like it was a favor that she obviously preferred not to do for me and my family. hmm...I'll do her a favor and not rent from her.
Back on the hunt…
Yesterday I got a call from a landlord who insisted upon a pet deposit of $1360 if I wanted to live in a lower level 2 bd apartment in a East Lawrence house with my Chi. The rent is $680. I don't know about you, but I think that's a bit excessive. Especially since my daughter will make poopy messes more often than my dog.
Funny thing is that she was acting like it was a favor that she obviously preferred not to do for me and my family. hmm...I'll do her a favor and not rent from her.
Back on the hunt…
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Lofty Mom Thoughts (and one dirty secret)
Last night me and the kiddos watched a portion of the second Shrek movie. I had issues with the first, and now I have issues with second. I don't like the message of accepting everyone except apparently short delussional people. In the second though your required to accept judgemental people, but you have to watch the extras to find that lesson out.
What I had issues with and that was laughed at in the first movie but accepted in this one is the whole "waiting for your hero to make it all better". I really don't like waiting until your "prince" saves you from whatever your dilemma might be. So comes now, Enarda, to bring it upon the children to think about the possibilities that no one is going to "save" them. No. We're not talking religion right now. I had the children recall the shirt that my young daughter wore the day before, and the lesson printed on it.
On Sunday LuLu gave my little Goddette a goddess t-shirt. The black one with pink print. The one that says:
You are the hero of your own story.
I can't remember who authored that one, but good job. She wore that to school on Monday. I'm sure it was a hit. Especially with the conservative faculty. It was a hit with the Judybat. I smiled.
But this is not the only child directed thing that I have issues with. Oh no. I have issues with Bratdolls. They look like "hoodrats". streetwalkers. crackwhores. bee-otches. ugly bee-otches. I don't want my girl aspiring to that either. yeeuck.
Barbie and all her sleazy sexing seems so tame. My Barbies had sex. Even though I had only one Ken. No. I'm not hipocrite. Those lusty ladies had jobs and direction. And none of them got married. We're not Mormon. Anyways I don't think Mormons like lesbian love.
I want my girl looking at Steinham. Fuck. I want her looking at Pelosi and Clinton. Thankfully she's not paying attention American Idol, but then again neither am I. So…what lessons am I going to raise my kids with? Independence, thoughtful ambition, personal strength, responsibilty, and I don't care if your gay. I want grandchildren. Turkeybasters are options. I'm just saying.
What I had issues with and that was laughed at in the first movie but accepted in this one is the whole "waiting for your hero to make it all better". I really don't like waiting until your "prince" saves you from whatever your dilemma might be. So comes now, Enarda, to bring it upon the children to think about the possibilities that no one is going to "save" them. No. We're not talking religion right now. I had the children recall the shirt that my young daughter wore the day before, and the lesson printed on it.
On Sunday LuLu gave my little Goddette a goddess t-shirt. The black one with pink print. The one that says:
You are the hero of your own story.
I can't remember who authored that one, but good job. She wore that to school on Monday. I'm sure it was a hit. Especially with the conservative faculty. It was a hit with the Judybat. I smiled.
But this is not the only child directed thing that I have issues with. Oh no. I have issues with Bratdolls. They look like "hoodrats". streetwalkers. crackwhores. bee-otches. ugly bee-otches. I don't want my girl aspiring to that either. yeeuck.
Barbie and all her sleazy sexing seems so tame. My Barbies had sex. Even though I had only one Ken. No. I'm not hipocrite. Those lusty ladies had jobs and direction. And none of them got married. We're not Mormon. Anyways I don't think Mormons like lesbian love.
I want my girl looking at Steinham. Fuck. I want her looking at Pelosi and Clinton. Thankfully she's not paying attention American Idol, but then again neither am I. So…what lessons am I going to raise my kids with? Independence, thoughtful ambition, personal strength, responsibilty, and I don't care if your gay. I want grandchildren. Turkeybasters are options. I'm just saying.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
What's your favorite Disney movie?
I was asked that question yesterday. My imediate response was "The Jungle Book". I love the music. It's so positive, fun, and danceable. It's not swooshy. I hate swooshy movie music. The song I was thinking of in particular was " I want to be human too". The asker was thinking "The Bear Neccesities". Hmm…Two damn good songs.
Fastforward to this morning.
I ran away to the bathroom to get away from bats and ogres that lurk in my home. yes. I'm bitchy too, but I could minimize the probability of an episode if I hide. Stress was bubbling up in my stomach and my teeth were getting achy from clenching them. Then in pops :
Look for the Bear neccesities
the simple bear neccesities
don't worry about your problems
or your strife
I started singing outloud in the bathtub. I'm a bather not a showerer. ahhh. It's such a bouncy happy go lucky song. The stress was brought down to a simmer, and after a few moments was gone. It's the silly things in life that keep me going.
Now I'm going to go tackle that whole "needing a home" thing.
Fastforward to this morning.
I ran away to the bathroom to get away from bats and ogres that lurk in my home. yes. I'm bitchy too, but I could minimize the probability of an episode if I hide. Stress was bubbling up in my stomach and my teeth were getting achy from clenching them. Then in pops :
Look for the Bear neccesities
the simple bear neccesities
don't worry about your problems
or your strife
I started singing outloud in the bathtub. I'm a bather not a showerer. ahhh. It's such a bouncy happy go lucky song. The stress was brought down to a simmer, and after a few moments was gone. It's the silly things in life that keep me going.
Now I'm going to go tackle that whole "needing a home" thing.
Monday, March 26, 2007
George and Mr. Toad
A quick note about pets…
Toads found outside DO NOT make good pets. Beetles made to live in a small aquarium together will go batty and one will end up dead.
However, it is now warm enough for the critter to go out to the woods, thus leaving the cramped aquarium empty for said toad. Or at least that's what my kids thought. The poor toad looked so miserable and scared. It was as if he was begging me to free him from my son's determined grasp and let him go back home. I couldn't refuse his plea. He was cute after all.
Toads found outside DO NOT make good pets. Beetles made to live in a small aquarium together will go batty and one will end up dead.
However, it is now warm enough for the critter to go out to the woods, thus leaving the cramped aquarium empty for said toad. Or at least that's what my kids thought. The poor toad looked so miserable and scared. It was as if he was begging me to free him from my son's determined grasp and let him go back home. I couldn't refuse his plea. He was cute after all.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
You know I love her but…
I've gotten hollered at for not blogging, but I haven't had the time to either read or post. This crazy thyroid med is not only making me chubby, but it's also making me extremely productive artistically speaking. It's amazing how much I've accomplished these past few weeks. Cleanliness is still far away, but so is my godliness. I'm working on my goddessness first.
Ok. First order of business.. thank you to who came to my birthday dinner or gave me a call. I had a wonderful time!
Second. It has officially been one year. I was asleep and getting my tit cut off. Now I'm a hairy, two-bumped woman again. Thank you cosmetic surgery! Mrs. Edwards has had a reccurrence. I'm a little freaked out about that. I don't know her of course, but it hits close to home if you can understand.
Issues are still the same. The most current episode of insanity happened this morning. The Judybat after repeating, "I don't need this. I don't need this." , then yelled at me "Git behind me, Satan!" Ahhh…Saturday morning at my house. Oh. Uh…it was over me not liking bleach getting on clothes. Ok. I yelled at her for it, but I was across the house and had to yell through a very important videogame, one radio, and a dishwasher. Anyway Satan attacks her through "Witch" Enarda when "Witch" Enarda tells her not to do something. Fuck.
When did I become a witch? Oh yes. this morning right after she told me.
See. Life is too interesting at the moment to really be able to concentrate and opine about things. Maybe when things are a little less crazy around here (ahem) and the Harpy of Kansas isn't screeching my direction, I'll be able to concentrate and write something deeply profound.
Ok. First order of business.. thank you to who came to my birthday dinner or gave me a call. I had a wonderful time!
Second. It has officially been one year. I was asleep and getting my tit cut off. Now I'm a hairy, two-bumped woman again. Thank you cosmetic surgery! Mrs. Edwards has had a reccurrence. I'm a little freaked out about that. I don't know her of course, but it hits close to home if you can understand.
Issues are still the same. The most current episode of insanity happened this morning. The Judybat after repeating, "I don't need this. I don't need this." , then yelled at me "Git behind me, Satan!" Ahhh…Saturday morning at my house. Oh. Uh…it was over me not liking bleach getting on clothes. Ok. I yelled at her for it, but I was across the house and had to yell through a very important videogame, one radio, and a dishwasher. Anyway Satan attacks her through "Witch" Enarda when "Witch" Enarda tells her not to do something. Fuck.
When did I become a witch? Oh yes. this morning right after she told me.
See. Life is too interesting at the moment to really be able to concentrate and opine about things. Maybe when things are a little less crazy around here (ahem) and the Harpy of Kansas isn't screeching my direction, I'll be able to concentrate and write something deeply profound.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy…I mean Enarda
I had my 6 months out from chemo appointment on Monday. All's good now, next month
I'll celebrate Pinkie's birthday, my birthday, and my 1 year anniversary of being cancer free (one tit less)!
Plastic replica does not a tit make. First of all because there's a missing nipple, but mostly because the feeling is gone.
I've been feeling down because of everything that's been happening to everyone these past couple of months. Not to mention living with the biggest stressors in my life. I haven't been able to sleep and my emotons have shut down regularly to stop the screaming in and out of my head.
Last night I had a turn. a mood swing if you will. I thought of every beautiful thing outside of my control instead of the ugly. I thought of the extremes in beauty that art and craft have to offer. I thought of distant thunderstorms rolling through the prairies of Kansas and Colorado and giving a drink to the life that dwells there. I thought of coral reefs and the life that surrounds them. I thought of bright green leaves and deep dark moist earth. And I thought of how I don't care if some of my friends abhor that word.
Last of all I thought of what scared me most as a child. The infinite and repetition. The space between atoms. The fact that atoms (chemical compounds of the universe) exist in everything (does that mean diety is all things?) and transfer to other things when the original host expires. I thought of interconnections, seeming chaos, and cycles. I know I've skimmed this subject before, but it helps to remind myself and others that things are connected and temporal.
Shit might be the flavor of life for a while, but it will soon taste like roasted duck with roses and nasturtiums. Weird combo, but I'm hungry and I still have 45 minutes till I can eat. Damn thyroid meds.
Whatever. I feel peaceful. PA and Judybat seem like small gnats to me right now.
I'll celebrate Pinkie's birthday, my birthday, and my 1 year anniversary of being cancer free (one tit less)!
Plastic replica does not a tit make. First of all because there's a missing nipple, but mostly because the feeling is gone.
I've been feeling down because of everything that's been happening to everyone these past couple of months. Not to mention living with the biggest stressors in my life. I haven't been able to sleep and my emotons have shut down regularly to stop the screaming in and out of my head.
Last night I had a turn. a mood swing if you will. I thought of every beautiful thing outside of my control instead of the ugly. I thought of the extremes in beauty that art and craft have to offer. I thought of distant thunderstorms rolling through the prairies of Kansas and Colorado and giving a drink to the life that dwells there. I thought of coral reefs and the life that surrounds them. I thought of bright green leaves and deep dark moist earth. And I thought of how I don't care if some of my friends abhor that word.
Last of all I thought of what scared me most as a child. The infinite and repetition. The space between atoms. The fact that atoms (chemical compounds of the universe) exist in everything (does that mean diety is all things?) and transfer to other things when the original host expires. I thought of interconnections, seeming chaos, and cycles. I know I've skimmed this subject before, but it helps to remind myself and others that things are connected and temporal.
Shit might be the flavor of life for a while, but it will soon taste like roasted duck with roses and nasturtiums. Weird combo, but I'm hungry and I still have 45 minutes till I can eat. Damn thyroid meds.
Whatever. I feel peaceful. PA and Judybat seem like small gnats to me right now.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Mixed
There's lots of mixes in the world. Cake mixes. Bread mixes. Spice mixes. Remixes. My daughter's fashion style comprises of mixing stripes, polkadots, and animal patterns in one outfit. Very colorful and very much like her great-grandmother on my momma's side. I learned from her that it's ok to wear rainbow plaid with black and white horsetooth. And polyester is the choice of fabric for fine ladies everywhere. She rocked.
This past week has been painful. You all know I had surgery on Tuesday. I don't know if all of you were aware that I was having a biopsy done on my thyroid. I had a complex issue with the cyst. ew. I know that's gross. Anyways. Friday, I waited patiently enough to get the results. I finally received them at 4:30 in the afternoon. As of today (the same as last 3-24-06) I am cancer free!
Enarda= 2 cancer=0
Booyah!
Few hours later I talked with Yaya (other grandma). She had a biopsy on the same day and was awaiting the prognosis. Guess what. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Fuck. Another year. I'm gonna stay positive, but with me getting it, my yoga instructor dying from it, Yaya getting it, and another friend's momma getting it, I'm getting REAL annoyed with our science community not being able to figure out what in the FFFFF is going on.
PA's momma has diabetes and a host of other diseases that make it harder for a 70 YO woman to live life comfortably, and now she gets to add another on the list. However, my momma the Judybat RN said that they've pulled people out of becoming sows' earbags before and they could certainly do it with her.
????
Don't ask...I have no clue what that meant exactly. Except that they've done near miracles.
So as you can see my emotions are pretty mixed up right now. I'm not sure how to feel. If I feel relief then I feel like I'm being insensitive. If I start fretting then my stomach and everyone around me suffers. I'm a drama queen at home. Don't tell me how to feel either. I'll get annoyed. I'm just gonna keep my eye out for that bluebird of happiness and maybe its cousin, the redbird of health, will come and stick around for us all this year.
This past week has been painful. You all know I had surgery on Tuesday. I don't know if all of you were aware that I was having a biopsy done on my thyroid. I had a complex issue with the cyst. ew. I know that's gross. Anyways. Friday, I waited patiently enough to get the results. I finally received them at 4:30 in the afternoon. As of today (the same as last 3-24-06) I am cancer free!
Enarda= 2 cancer=0
Booyah!
Few hours later I talked with Yaya (other grandma). She had a biopsy on the same day and was awaiting the prognosis. Guess what. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Fuck. Another year. I'm gonna stay positive, but with me getting it, my yoga instructor dying from it, Yaya getting it, and another friend's momma getting it, I'm getting REAL annoyed with our science community not being able to figure out what in the FFFFF is going on.
PA's momma has diabetes and a host of other diseases that make it harder for a 70 YO woman to live life comfortably, and now she gets to add another on the list. However, my momma the Judybat RN said that they've pulled people out of becoming sows' earbags before and they could certainly do it with her.
????
Don't ask...I have no clue what that meant exactly. Except that they've done near miracles.
So as you can see my emotions are pretty mixed up right now. I'm not sure how to feel. If I feel relief then I feel like I'm being insensitive. If I start fretting then my stomach and everyone around me suffers. I'm a drama queen at home. Don't tell me how to feel either. I'll get annoyed. I'm just gonna keep my eye out for that bluebird of happiness and maybe its cousin, the redbird of health, will come and stick around for us all this year.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
New Years Resolution: less scars more tats
Here I go. About to walk out the door to start my year off. This year I will kick the 84 kinds of ass I was told I kicked last year. I will make sure that the asses are easier to kick. As I see it, I maybe losing a thyroid, but I'm gaining two ta's.
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