I had my 6 months out from chemo appointment on Monday. All's good now, next month
I'll celebrate Pinkie's birthday, my birthday, and my 1 year anniversary of being cancer free (one tit less)!
Plastic replica does not a tit make. First of all because there's a missing nipple, but mostly because the feeling is gone.
I've been feeling down because of everything that's been happening to everyone these past couple of months. Not to mention living with the biggest stressors in my life. I haven't been able to sleep and my emotons have shut down regularly to stop the screaming in and out of my head.
Last night I had a turn. a mood swing if you will. I thought of every beautiful thing outside of my control instead of the ugly. I thought of the extremes in beauty that art and craft have to offer. I thought of distant thunderstorms rolling through the prairies of Kansas and Colorado and giving a drink to the life that dwells there. I thought of coral reefs and the life that surrounds them. I thought of bright green leaves and deep dark moist earth. And I thought of how I don't care if some of my friends abhor that word.
Last of all I thought of what scared me most as a child. The infinite and repetition. The space between atoms. The fact that atoms (chemical compounds of the universe) exist in everything (does that mean diety is all things?) and transfer to other things when the original host expires. I thought of interconnections, seeming chaos, and cycles. I know I've skimmed this subject before, but it helps to remind myself and others that things are connected and temporal.
Shit might be the flavor of life for a while, but it will soon taste like roasted duck with roses and nasturtiums. Weird combo, but I'm hungry and I still have 45 minutes till I can eat. Damn thyroid meds.
Whatever. I feel peaceful. PA and Judybat seem like small gnats to me right now.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
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