The surgery site is for the most part healed up. I'm now able to shower. I don't trust showering yet, so I'm still spongeing it up. But now it's IN a hot bath. Goddess, I love baths! Hot baths and saki are the two greatest inventions of mankind! I"ll skip the "relaxation" music though. I find my chirping parakeets and the curious eyes of my chihuahuas more relaxing (humorous) than wood chimes or Micheal Bolten or whale music. Wow that last sentence was so 90's.
My spirits for the most part are up. I do have down, but this weather is too beautiful! And I have too many plants to put into the ground, and I want to shop. Now on to find a tank top that holds my still existing ta in while I heal up.
Oh, Yes. From now on ya'll can call me Amazon Amy. I think I should take up archery! ; )
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
I have this odd looking "chocolate pom pom" fish. Really she's just an ugly brown colored goldfish with such tiny pom poms that it seems silly to call her a pom pom goldfish. I don't even know if it's a female. I just call her "her" because..well just because. Her name is Renee (French for queen). She is the queen too. All of the other fish have avoided her like the plague except for the past few months.
For the past few months the silly fish has had this tumor aproximately twice the size of her brain growing out of one of her pom poms. That tumor has been source of sick entertainment for me. My mother pleaded with me to put her out of her misery. My friends shrieked, hurled, and burst out into laughter at the sight of it. One dear friend would not go into the same room unless she was tired and already tipsy. Yes, I think reactions like these are enormously funny.
There was only one reaction that upset me. I bet you can guess which it was. My mother's response to the tumor annoyed me not because she felt that it would be a more humane way to deal with such an unsightly deformity but because it was to ease her comfort and not the fish's. Hmmm.
I immediatey responded that yes things with tumors should be put out of their misery. She agreed, " Your grandfaher would never let an animal suffer like that". Hunh.
Humane- kind, tender, merciful.
She didn't get my subtlety. She didn't realize my sensitivity with all things aflicted with tumors these days. Nor could she ever admit to any grievous behavior. So my tart retort went unanswered. With her you don't compare my human growth with a fish growth. It's unfathomable.
Now with my tumor cut out and healing up fine, I think. We will now discuss my beautiful, ugly fish. The morning after the going away party for my tata, I went down to feed the fish. I shrieked not out of disgust but amazement! Well. There was some disgust in it. I do have to admt that. About half of the tumor was hanging on by a thread to the other half of the tumor. I like yucky things, but this was seriously gross. Nothing to see here folks, so I went about my day as usual. In the evening I noticed it fell off. Eww. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. I removed the thing, and reported to the family that we were going to eat it for dinner. Of course PinkZilla and Personal Assistant know my sense of humor and knew we were not going to be eating stir fry a la Growth of Renee. We all laughed, and I secretly worried about our mental health.
The next morning was Saturday or HomeDay as my Pinkie calls it. We had no where to go, so arising from bed is always a lttle slower than other days (except sunday..silly religious folk). "How is that fish doing?", I thought to myself. I got up walked down to the tank and squealed again. The rest of it was sunk down onto the floor of the tank and Renee was swimming around like she owned the world while the other fish tried to hide behind the sparse vegetation. If she had a soundtrack it would probably consist of Singing in the Rain songs.
"Good Morning. Good Morning. It's great to be awake. Good Morning. Good morning to you!"
I however still could not look at "it". I got rid of it. You might wonder how this "Miracle" was performed right in the middle of this atheist/agnostic/pagan's (can't decide) home. Well, I'll tell you sister. I found a cure. Yes, a cure right in my neighborhood pet store. Natural fixative straght from this great green planet, bottled up, and bought by yours truly for 6.99 US dollars.
Please when you read this think of "Oh Brother Where art Thou". You see the accents of bible thumping Southerns are prevalent in the events of my life at the moment. Now back to My Story not Renee's...well I'm not sure who's story:
I told my mother about the tumor falling off. She asks me how it happened. I told her about the medication made from an extraction of an aquatic plant that acts as an antifungal for fish life. She didn't listen. What she heard me say was something like this:
This Miraculous food extracted from God's good plants ( food suppliments that she has guilt tripped me into, that are marketed basically as a cure all and that as a dutiful daughter I have agreed to to go along with it) has done the miraculous that even these doctors(salesmen) have not foreseen and healed my fish of her cancer! Praise God for what it's doing for me!
Oye. Oiy. Aye, my aching tit. No. After I explained to her that I used a product designed for tanklife, I still had to sit through another "yes all of our answers lie in nature" sermon. Um. Ten years ago she was telling me that tofu and the health and wellness industry was a conspiracy of the New Age Movement! I'm still quaking in fear of people asking crystals and tarot cards for enlightenment. Love my folks to death . Can't do a damn thing for 'em though.
Now on to my fish and me. We're both healing. I am a bit jealous of her though. One of my poms was removed and I still have to sit through chemo. She just had yucky tasting water for a week, AND she gets to keep her pom. Lucky fish.
For the past few months the silly fish has had this tumor aproximately twice the size of her brain growing out of one of her pom poms. That tumor has been source of sick entertainment for me. My mother pleaded with me to put her out of her misery. My friends shrieked, hurled, and burst out into laughter at the sight of it. One dear friend would not go into the same room unless she was tired and already tipsy. Yes, I think reactions like these are enormously funny.
There was only one reaction that upset me. I bet you can guess which it was. My mother's response to the tumor annoyed me not because she felt that it would be a more humane way to deal with such an unsightly deformity but because it was to ease her comfort and not the fish's. Hmmm.
I immediatey responded that yes things with tumors should be put out of their misery. She agreed, " Your grandfaher would never let an animal suffer like that". Hunh.
Humane- kind, tender, merciful.
She didn't get my subtlety. She didn't realize my sensitivity with all things aflicted with tumors these days. Nor could she ever admit to any grievous behavior. So my tart retort went unanswered. With her you don't compare my human growth with a fish growth. It's unfathomable.
Now with my tumor cut out and healing up fine, I think. We will now discuss my beautiful, ugly fish. The morning after the going away party for my tata, I went down to feed the fish. I shrieked not out of disgust but amazement! Well. There was some disgust in it. I do have to admt that. About half of the tumor was hanging on by a thread to the other half of the tumor. I like yucky things, but this was seriously gross. Nothing to see here folks, so I went about my day as usual. In the evening I noticed it fell off. Eww. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. I removed the thing, and reported to the family that we were going to eat it for dinner. Of course PinkZilla and Personal Assistant know my sense of humor and knew we were not going to be eating stir fry a la Growth of Renee. We all laughed, and I secretly worried about our mental health.
The next morning was Saturday or HomeDay as my Pinkie calls it. We had no where to go, so arising from bed is always a lttle slower than other days (except sunday..silly religious folk). "How is that fish doing?", I thought to myself. I got up walked down to the tank and squealed again. The rest of it was sunk down onto the floor of the tank and Renee was swimming around like she owned the world while the other fish tried to hide behind the sparse vegetation. If she had a soundtrack it would probably consist of Singing in the Rain songs.
"Good Morning. Good Morning. It's great to be awake. Good Morning. Good morning to you!"
I however still could not look at "it". I got rid of it. You might wonder how this "Miracle" was performed right in the middle of this atheist/agnostic/pagan's (can't decide) home. Well, I'll tell you sister. I found a cure. Yes, a cure right in my neighborhood pet store. Natural fixative straght from this great green planet, bottled up, and bought by yours truly for 6.99 US dollars.
Please when you read this think of "Oh Brother Where art Thou". You see the accents of bible thumping Southerns are prevalent in the events of my life at the moment. Now back to My Story not Renee's...well I'm not sure who's story:
I told my mother about the tumor falling off. She asks me how it happened. I told her about the medication made from an extraction of an aquatic plant that acts as an antifungal for fish life. She didn't listen. What she heard me say was something like this:
This Miraculous food extracted from God's good plants ( food suppliments that she has guilt tripped me into, that are marketed basically as a cure all and that as a dutiful daughter I have agreed to to go along with it) has done the miraculous that even these doctors(salesmen) have not foreseen and healed my fish of her cancer! Praise God for what it's doing for me!
Oye. Oiy. Aye, my aching tit. No. After I explained to her that I used a product designed for tanklife, I still had to sit through another "yes all of our answers lie in nature" sermon. Um. Ten years ago she was telling me that tofu and the health and wellness industry was a conspiracy of the New Age Movement! I'm still quaking in fear of people asking crystals and tarot cards for enlightenment. Love my folks to death . Can't do a damn thing for 'em though.
Now on to my fish and me. We're both healing. I am a bit jealous of her though. One of my poms was removed and I still have to sit through chemo. She just had yucky tasting water for a week, AND she gets to keep her pom. Lucky fish.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
I have aprox 14 hours till my left boob gets chopped off. I go from being calm and confident to tears welling up in my eyes whether or not I'm talking about it. I really appreciate the support my little A Left has received from friends and family. I'll let you'll know how it all ends up.
Health and longevity before tit and vanity.
Health and longevity before tit and vanity.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
I'm glad to read that the French are resisting their businesses' attempts to erode their worker protection laws. As a member of a country that excels in fake work for little wage for long hours, I am glad that there are folk that won't put up with it. There were articles this past week talking about the riots that students (backed by unions and other groups) participated in that were incited by Chirac enacting a law that enables employers to hire and fire on an at will basis. In the past there had to a reason for an employee's dismissal. Now that protection was taken away for those under 26. Interesting some say. So what other's say. I find it disturbing. At first the young will be hurt, but if the common folk will put up with it and the companies see that, even the older generations will be in danger of their protections being taken away.
Think about it. Companies have figured out that the American public are tolerant of crap work for crap pay with no benefits. We as a nation are steeped in "Temp" culture. Trogolidites of the workforce, we are. We despise workers that find no reason to do their work properly since the worker knows that their hard work won't protect them from a "layoff". I'm guilty of that philosophy.
I have a strong work ethic, but my past luck had it that I didn't get well paying jobs. I've been lucky enough to find a permanent job with benefits with an ok starting wage. However, we'll see how lucky I am when I get to start my chemo and radiation. We'll see if the benefits cover the medical costs or even if I'll be able to keep that job. I don't know how my body will handle the drugs and radiation, so who knows? Maybe I might not be able to fulfill the requirements of my job even though this not under my control, but the company knows of the issues that I'm facing. So we'll see.
Now back to my being guilty of judging fellow disgruntled temp workers. I'm not begrudging of single parents. I know what a burden it is to be the main caretaker for a household. The person I'm thinking of was a single man with no kids who half assed his projects/assignments thus creating more work for the rest of us. Ok. He's not innocent either, but what I'm getting at is that the rest of us were being complaisant in the treatment we received from the company by working the overtime and following the rules of no food or drink at our work stations, no slouching, no searching through our cds for music( no down loading of mp3's or you'll lose computer privileges for good at the company), and no talking in between breaks. I hate the cubicle world. It was all grey with no windows to outside world.
Oh yes. The job was easy. We were in the lax department. I just couldn't stand the lack of paychecks and when we got them there were always hours or stipends missing from them. Why not get a better job? There are very few good paying jobs in this area. Why not move? It costs money to move. This is a very good place to raise a small family. Kansas does not for the most part hold to what I consider good family values or progressive, intelligent views of science and social issues. This is an oasis in a desert. Lawrence has a multitude of good and likeminded folk raising their offspring here. The Goddesses are a good example of that.
Now back to this gentleman. He hated the lack of concern that the government contracted company bestowed upon its workers. He acted out in his own subtly rebellious way. I applaud him for it and wish that more blue and white collar workers (myself included) stood up to our jobs leaving and wages and benefits being slashed like a Walmart sale on a Saturday afternoon.
Ok I'm done bitching. I'm just going to leave you with a poem that I found and gave to you a awhile back...
Little silver fish
Pointing upstream
Moving downstream
In clear quick water
Think about it. Companies have figured out that the American public are tolerant of crap work for crap pay with no benefits. We as a nation are steeped in "Temp" culture. Trogolidites of the workforce, we are. We despise workers that find no reason to do their work properly since the worker knows that their hard work won't protect them from a "layoff". I'm guilty of that philosophy.
I have a strong work ethic, but my past luck had it that I didn't get well paying jobs. I've been lucky enough to find a permanent job with benefits with an ok starting wage. However, we'll see how lucky I am when I get to start my chemo and radiation. We'll see if the benefits cover the medical costs or even if I'll be able to keep that job. I don't know how my body will handle the drugs and radiation, so who knows? Maybe I might not be able to fulfill the requirements of my job even though this not under my control, but the company knows of the issues that I'm facing. So we'll see.
Now back to my being guilty of judging fellow disgruntled temp workers. I'm not begrudging of single parents. I know what a burden it is to be the main caretaker for a household. The person I'm thinking of was a single man with no kids who half assed his projects/assignments thus creating more work for the rest of us. Ok. He's not innocent either, but what I'm getting at is that the rest of us were being complaisant in the treatment we received from the company by working the overtime and following the rules of no food or drink at our work stations, no slouching, no searching through our cds for music( no down loading of mp3's or you'll lose computer privileges for good at the company), and no talking in between breaks. I hate the cubicle world. It was all grey with no windows to outside world.
Oh yes. The job was easy. We were in the lax department. I just couldn't stand the lack of paychecks and when we got them there were always hours or stipends missing from them. Why not get a better job? There are very few good paying jobs in this area. Why not move? It costs money to move. This is a very good place to raise a small family. Kansas does not for the most part hold to what I consider good family values or progressive, intelligent views of science and social issues. This is an oasis in a desert. Lawrence has a multitude of good and likeminded folk raising their offspring here. The Goddesses are a good example of that.
Now back to this gentleman. He hated the lack of concern that the government contracted company bestowed upon its workers. He acted out in his own subtly rebellious way. I applaud him for it and wish that more blue and white collar workers (myself included) stood up to our jobs leaving and wages and benefits being slashed like a Walmart sale on a Saturday afternoon.
Ok I'm done bitching. I'm just going to leave you with a poem that I found and gave to you a awhile back...
Little silver fish
Pointing upstream
Moving downstream
In clear quick water
Friday, March 17, 2006
Oye. It's only 10 in the evening and my hang over from today's Irish-for-the-day frivolities is in full swing. The drinking was a great way to forget the stressfull shit that's been going down. Am I going to have to go through radiation or not? If I do will I get a plasti-tit? Will Sam Donaldson's eyebrows go with my snakes that are already nestled lovingly on my chest?
I'm bitch cranky. Ask my children the PinkZilla and my personal assistant your friendly neighborhood ass ooze. One day I swear I'm going barbeque my chihuahuas. Hangovers and yipyip dogs don't mix. Do parakeets go well with Shiraz? Did I mention I was cranky?
Well...Thank you Goddesses and Mike for revelling in the beginning of my left tit's last week on my body. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the hootin' and hollerin'. I can't wait for next week when all those children of goddesses will converge upon my abode and tear the roof off the sucka. It'll be a blast! Just remember GDs not accustomed to loud noisy paks of chillins, that a sip of liquor never did a body harm, but it sure does git the tension the F on out of the house. Godess bless and goodnight!
I'm bitch cranky. Ask my children the PinkZilla and my personal assistant your friendly neighborhood ass ooze. One day I swear I'm going barbeque my chihuahuas. Hangovers and yipyip dogs don't mix. Do parakeets go well with Shiraz? Did I mention I was cranky?
Well...Thank you Goddesses and Mike for revelling in the beginning of my left tit's last week on my body. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the hootin' and hollerin'. I can't wait for next week when all those children of goddesses will converge upon my abode and tear the roof off the sucka. It'll be a blast! Just remember GDs not accustomed to loud noisy paks of chillins, that a sip of liquor never did a body harm, but it sure does git the tension the F on out of the house. Godess bless and goodnight!
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