It's not so simple.

That's what the doctor said. It's a nice way of saying you have cancer. What the fuck?! This has got to be unreal! I can't drive away from this, I can't wake up from this, and goddamn it, there's no bad trip to come down from!

It's funny I understand the figure of speach "There are no atheists in a fox hole." I've caught myself praying, and I don't know exactly what this thing is that I'm praying too. I honestly don't believe in that desertgod that most of the world prays to, but I prayed to something...

Now I've been told to either cut the breast off completely or risk looking "udderly" ridiculous. After the last one I can see the difference in sizes between my breasts. I used to love my itty-bitty titties. Their shape just never changed much, but after a biopsy and a lumpectomy both taking out about 75% of mam tissue well....My little A left went even smaller than my little A right.

So, I'm gonna have one real tata and a lump of flesh, plastic, and liquid simulating a tata. I actually toyed around with th idea of leaving it. An asymetrical field glaring and daring the world to behold it's outrageous deformity brought on by a grotesque disease and retaliated by an even more grotesque "treatment". In that place I want a tatoo to symbolize the shape of the thing lost. I was thinking of tattooing Sam Donaldson in his early years in place of my beloved ta. Him or W. C. Fields. I think Fields' nose would be perfect for a nipple while I love Donaldson's eyebrows.

I'm just glad that the cut and paste section of this is almost finished. I want to thank you Goddess Friends for supporting me. I love that you guys try to help in what ways you can for Kalli and me. I think we're all lucky to know each other. Goddess bless and goodnight!

I haven't been blahhhging lately but as I have no internet access at the moment. I hope you will forgive me.

I feel like a rather large set of vicegrips is clamping down on my mind. A smaller set is working my torso. I'm nervous and a tad scared about tomorrow. I can't help it, but I do have one ting that does get me through...

"Always look on th bright side of life."

Goddess bless Monty Python!

and thanks for your support, ladies!