Sad News Comes When Least Expected

I had a good weekend, not the best, not the worst. It was ok. It ended great with Goddess Bodice Ripper's wedding party. I got a notice from my plastic surgeon to set up my one year follow up. THAT is a Good Thing. I got the piano inside. My house is clean, and two of my three christmas trees are up and ready. Yes, I'm a closet Ms. Claus.

My calm happiness was shattered though by a well meaning friend. A mutual friend, my Inspiration, passed away this past Thanksgiving weekend. I will miss her. She was beautiful inside and out. Not to mention she was a fighter (in her own way). The thing about her is that her cancer was less "dangerous" or "concerning" than mine, but her mind set was so much more positive and cheerful, as cheerful as a person whose doctor's advise was so totally and completely unreversably wrong. She however kept people smiling and helped people (myself included) to learn how to cope, relax, and keep going.

I cried, of course, but the tears held more than just mourning for a beautiful friend I won't ever see again. They held fear and anger.

Yes, I'm angry. I get angry EVERY time I look at those stupid pink ribbon things. Of course I know what's on my car. I get angry that people younger than me get this fucked up shit, and I'm TOTALLY grumpy that I got it. I am PISSED that she just died from what was originally stage 1 cancer. And of course I fear for my life. Don't tell me not to. You'll just add fuel to an already out of control fire. A person's cancer is not something to trivialize.

I have a new reason to be thankful and to be cautious. If I seem even more pissy than before, I have good reason. If I seem even more jumpy or out of sorts or overly introverted, I have a good reason. I'll fight it when it becomes a problem, but until then I need to process this. I'm just glad I met her when I did, and I'm glad she's not hurting anymore.

Cheers, Penny.