So I am conscious about how my children view others and have other mother friends with the same concern, but recently I have had my first shocking, unhumorous conversation with my daughter. This little 4 year old who gets a multicultural education at home and has a plethora of different skinned friends who come over almost everyday has told me that she does not like one of the little girls in the nieghborhood because she has brown skin. Yes I know it's a controversial subject. "Hmmm" I thought after the initial shock wore off. "Where did you hear statements like that? All of your friends have brown skin except for one." She proceeded to tell me the other light skinned girl was the source. I thought about that, and then pointed out her that the said perpetrator's best friend was darker than the disliked girl. I explained the concept of "good and bad in all" that including race and cultures and that humans were equal even if they were not always treated that way. I also had her put herself in the other girl's shoes. She of course did not get the whole gist of the talk was about, but for her part I think she truly tried.
My thought for you other socially aware and enlightened parents is: How do you get your children to think about and discuss race and social classes without instilling stereotypes whether good or negative and an ineffective "us and them" attitude while be sensitive to their emotional capacities and mental capabilities?
I realize that this is close to another time in our culture's history where the discussion of race has come up for adults, but there is no discussion that I have heard on class or even how to talk about the discrepensies in caste/race treatment. I have to point out that this is from a small human with a socially conscious mom who reads biographies of different people from around the world to let them know that there is life outside our myopic country and culture. Yes, yes, I also realize that kids cannot be around their parents 24-7, so outside input is inevitable.
Ok then..discuss amongst yourselves. I'm going to go bake premade cookie dough.
Oh yes she did apologize the next day.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Out of the cracks in the sidewalk…
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. A. Milne
Out of the cracks in the sidewalk…
A just a few Goddesses...
enarda synopsis
- Enarda
- I'm an introspective giggler of the details, a cancer survivor, a single mom, and I like weeds that flower blue. I create in my garden and in my studio. Like all women, I am complex and carry baggage that's light as a feather. My life's theme is "Always look on the bright side of life". complete with whistle.
4 comments:
I tell Nina that the differences between people amount to this: some wear hats and some don't.
"Race is an arbitrary and meaningless concept" -- Amoja Three Rivers
It could be that we divided ourselves on the basis of eye shape, or number of teeth, or whatever. Just be the good mom you are and never reinforce this stuff. There will be a time when you have to address it; ignoring it won't make it better...colorblindness is not the answer for now, but for kids, it's the only way to go.
When Cleo was in the first grade, by some fluke she ended up being the only "white" girl in her class. We didn't even realize it until a few weeks in when she started coming home, crying, and complaining that the other girls wouldn't play with her because she wasn't brown. (As a side note, she hadn't really been aware of skin color affecting relationships. Her favorite aunt, for example, is bi-racial so skin color had never even been an issue for her before.)
Anyway, it was a real lesson for all of us. I can't tell you what we learned except that anybody, regardless of their skin color, can be guilty of racism. And anybody, regardless of their skin color, can be a victim of it. And no matter what, it's a pretty shitty means of judging someone's worth.
I just had to add that today I talked to beautiful beautiful, black fella from Arkansas over in Topeka. He's just pup, only 22. Anyways his comment was that Arkansas was racist. I laughed and said and it's not here? He didn't quite answer that. I don't think he's been here enough. This place is still new and fresh. I relayed this to Condition who described Southerners as openly racist while Northerners were unaware of their racism. I said that theirs was more subtle. So subtle that it might not be construed as racism consciously that is. Like getting nervous when someone..anyone who might look different from you pass you on the street. Or their work habits might be slightly different from that of yours. you register it more if that person looks different than if they appear similar. I wonder when he'll be the receiving end of a negative experience. I hope it won't be for a long time.
I was wondering how to approach the matter with children since they notice it. How could they not notice differences? They can see and hear. Is it really best to downplay the differences or acknowledge them in a more matter of fact way with as little judgement as possible, or just ignore the topic all together? I thought that white folks' ignorance of race was frustrating to other folks. This is why I ask.
I like to tell Simon that it great that people are different and how boring life would be if we all looked and acted the same. All you can do is model what you hope to see in them in terms of regard for others.
You know those church folks who preach on the street on Thursday nights? I tried to explain to him one night when he said, "Momma, WHAT are those people doing?"
I said, "Well, I'm guessing they all go to the same church and wanted to come downtown and tell people what they believe because they feel it is important. I'm glad they can do this, because if we had something we wanted to shout from the corner of 9th and Mass, we could do that as well."
Even though I question the effectiveness of what they are doing, I'm glad we all get the chance to speak out if we want..and I just tried to personalized this for Simon ---that he could do it too if he is so inspired someday. He seemed ok with this answer. Right now his main cause in life is to get more candy. Don't be surprised if you see him with a sign that reads, "Give Candy to ME" on Mass. Street one of these days.
I don't know how useful this was!
Post a Comment