Whisky List

I originally wanted to comment on Gypsy's blog, but I feel that this will be too long.

Lists. I made one last night after a rather listless night of working on artwork. Wednesdays are my solitude/creativity day, but it wasn't working. I got so frustrated I ended up crying and boohooing my lack of talent and direction. Cry Baby. Cry Baby. Wah wah wah.

The old folks and the kiddos came home from their midweekly brainwashing session at church. And all the tension and anxiety I felt kept building. One kid wanted me to hear him read while the other kept bawling about nobody liked her because noone was paying attention to her. All I wanted was to relax and concentrate on an 8 year old reading some silly story involving cat warriors and their adventures in the forests of where ever. I have to mention the sausage/football creature that serves as a pet trying to simultaneously bite and lick my fingers and nose off during the entire exchange of "Stop touching me!" "Nobody likes me! You hate me!" "Bark!" "Oww!" "Quit it!" "Bark!" Then I'd look around my room and see the surviving confetti of my life that escaped the mass cleaning of the piled up shit that's accumulated since living here. My mood darkened.

It's my fault. I'm a slob, and when I start on project I lose all sense of cleanliness. MUST...DO...ART...UUGH... That's the Frankenstien art monster that lives in my head that serves as a my muse's voice. It's funny. My muse is a creature made of a hodgepodge of bodyparts hastily put together and is the result of an opiate induced literary bet of some repressed Victorians.

Ok. Lists and whisky. After getting the chillins to bed I poured myself a rather tall 3 finger whisky and coke to soothe my frazzled nerves and boost creative juices. Yes. I drink alone. I admit it. Not the point of the story though. I made the list to get a real grasp of what I have been doing and where I am going with this "art". I collected everything within view and jotted down the pieces, numbered them, described them in detail, and named a few. I surprised mysellf. I have 14 projects going. And some are series. None of them are finished. Some are close, but not any where "complete". Artists never feel fully "complete". That's a good thing. It means complacency is no where near. I made a daily schedule to push myself into finishing them, and started on it late last night. We'll see if I actually stick with it.

Like a few others I know, I don't do well with authority or rules even if the authority and rulemaker is me. Damn destructive behavior. I need...(Don't ever tell the Old Folks that I said this!)..some discipline. (heebie jeebies) Hopefully this new trick of keeping lists and notes for my memory will keep me from losing focus and drifting into another project.