weddings/divorces

I've come across the both of them recently, and It's got me to thinking. I don't belong at weddings. I don't like them. Divorce was easy for me. I love my lawyer. Don't remind me who my roommate is.

I mean my little cousin's wedding was cute. I guess...but pink and white goes a little far. Especially when the groom wears a white/white striped tux. There were cute little candleholders w/ the word "love" carved into them. Pink and green flowery crap draping everything. Pink chopsticks as party favors (ultracute). The sermon (because there always has to be one in a religious ceremony) was rife with man cleaving to the wifey and references to adam and eve. Typical stuff.

I brought a book. I had to. You see, I naturally scoff at these events. Even before I was married I was known for my disdain for them. Yes I know, I shouldn't have got married in the first place. It's just not for me.

I was good up until the end when the Officiate announced the couple with one male name. I started clapping like everyone else. It'd be rude not to, but then I let out "Yay! She lost her identity!" My brother who's more known for rude outbursts told me to shut up. yeesh.

See I feel a woman loses her identity not with a name change but with a complete erasure of her given name under the romanticized guise of "oneness ordained by god". I just snorted. That's kinda hard to do when you're stuffed up too. It makes me giggle to think of the phrase "cleaving to the wifey". I always thought of men as being needy. I guess this just reinforces it without making them feel weak (for shame!).

Marriages are on my mind. I don't wish for them to go bad. If that was case, One Toothbrush, I wouldn't even go near your celebration. I just can't stand traditional and outside influence on something so personal. I understand partnerships. I'm all about honest, cooperative relationships that are positive to both sides. blah blah.

Yesterday a dear friend came over to discuss his marital situation and get the number of my lawyer. I was the best man at his wedding. I was 7.5 months pregnant and wearing heels. This wedding was a little like the Birdcage. Freaks of all kinds on the groom's side, and mormons on the bride's side. I'm sure you've heard of this story before.

Well the interesting gooey parts keep going. He caught her cheating. Mind you, they had an open marriage, so there's no need for the deceit. She just couldn't help it. You see he doesn't like master/slave relationships. She had a master. Not him.

When I'm around the Ladies I feel prude, but I have to tell you around them I feel downright Puritan. I have no energy for more than one at a time. She juggled six. Her stamina is amazing.

Whatever...he's getting a divorce now. Not because she slept with other men, but that she lied about it. I guess that disproves my needy man theory.